Why I'm Thankful I Still Have Fingers

GUESS WHAT EVERYONE. My last blog post reached audience members in Germany and Russia (and if my new international friends are reading this... thank you!) It's so awesome to know that people are looking at this even when I do things a little differently and step away from my humorous posts... maybe I should do it more often? I'll keep the idea in mind. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! 

Now let's go back to laughing a little bit more. In summer 2009 I went to Knoxville, Tennessee with my youth group for an event called Covenant High in Christ, or CHIC. It was the time of my life and I had an unforgettable time. However, what would a trip be without me doing something super embarrassing? Luckily this time around, I had partners in crime, including two of my best friends. This makes it all the better.

So here's a little background: one afternoon, some kids from my youth group and I decided to join a few other people living in our dorm in an elevator sing-a-long. What we'd do is get in the elevator and hit the buttons to all twelve floors, picking up people along the way to join in whatever song we were singing. Everyone who came on the elevator was really receptive to it and had so much fun they didn't mind all the stops on the way down. Even the two forty-year-old women we expected to yell at us instantly hopped in and contributed to "Build Me Up Buttercup". So, when one does something a little mischievous and doesn't get in trouble for it, what do they do? Usually, they'll continue to do it until they get in trouble for it. Some even push the buttons (no pun intended) and keep going after that.

So naturally when we got back into the elevator later on that night, a few friends and I got on the first floor and hit every single button, 2-12, to start another sing-a-long. But the fun hadn't even begun when our parade got pooped on. Right as the doors were shutting, the meanest, scariest, and grouchiest security guard, Nancy, put her hands between the doors and hopped in. Now picture her: a large woman, probably a solid 250 pounds, wearing an oversized t-shirt, huge glasses, a bull cut, and the largest frown you have ever seen. We have to stop at every. single. floor... with this lovely woman.

The elevator door shuts.

I accept death.

We try to act normally and ask her what floor she's going to. "Seven," she replies.

My friend Chelsea looks at the buttons, every single one of them lit up, awkwardly responds, "You're good! Wow, lucky number seven!" and looks at the floor. I am biting my tongue trying not to lose it, partly because it really was hilarious and also because that is all I can resort to when I feel that uncomfortable.

Nancy glanced at the buttons, realized what we had done, and stares at the four or five of us huddled in the opposite corner of the elevator. By now the door was opening to the second floor. No one was there. Crap.

The door shuts. This is so incredibly awkward. But what happens next is what has haunted me ever since. Nancy looked every single one of us straight in the eye, stops, and snaps in the coldest, most daunting manner possible,

"I am going to break ALL of your fingers."

Oh sweet baby Jesus. Andddd there go my hands, straight in my pockets. Forever.

My friend Anna texts us: "We'll wait for her to get off at the seventh floor and continue." Got it. She continues to text in order to mentally leave the situation. Chelsea and I look over her shoulder to see what she's typing, which looked like:

Asdfjgoiewpajf pwoierjfksldf pwiefjlxkjfo eifhgppdfiwaovnv idfjorjfgldsaoif

The sucker was faking texts. And Chelsea called her out on it. In front of Nancy.

"Anna you big silly, faking texting because you feel awkward! Ha ha ha!"

Well my eyes just about were bugging out of my head at that point. The door opens on the third floor, the fourth floor, the fifth floor. Absolutely no one is getting on this elevator. And after what seemed like an hour, the elevator FINALLY opens on the seventh floor. But Nancy doesn't budge.

"Lucky number seven, here we are! It's all you!" Chelsea says cheerily, trying to lighten the mood.

In the most monotonous growl, Nancy replies, "I knooooow."

I think that's when my friend Gayle may or may not have begun to tear up. It's also when my life started flashing before my eyes. 

But it's also when Anna saved the day. The eighth floor comes, and she casually remarks: "Oh you know what guys? I forgot my cards. We need to go get them if we're going to play a game. Good thing we're on our floor!"

"Oh! Yeah yeah right!" we all say as we go along with her. There was only one problem: our floor was actually the fourth floor, which was long gone, and now we risked getting onto a guy's floor, which wasn't allowed. Praying that the eighth floor was a girls floor, we all get out of the elevator. We walked casually until we were out of Nancy's sight, stopping once we rounded the corner to take a breath of relief that we all still had our fingers. Then we looked down the hallway... to see a guy walking from one room to another.

Well shoot. Shoot me. Shoot us all.

We all looked at each other, and seemed to make an agreement with our eyes that there was only one thing to do if we were going to make an impulsive decision: run. Run really really fast.

We all went into a mad sprint to the other end of the hallway where the door to the staircase was, and about halfway there was when we heard a man shout "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS FLOOR? STOP!"

Aw no, we ain't stoppin' for nobody, good sir.

We reach the staircase and begin to break the world record for the fastest time anyone's ever ran down four flights of staircases. After about two we hear "I'M A YOUTH PASTOR AND I CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU." It probably looked a lot like this:

We hit the door to the fourth floor still out of his sight, and the five of us file through the doorway. Right as the last one of us, which of course was Chelsea, is about to make it through, the rest of us hear from the hallway, "STOP RIGHT THERE." Chelsea turns to see this guy standing at the top of the stairs. Caught.

"What were you doing on a guy's floor?" he asked.

The rest of us huddle by my room door in safety, watching Chelsea ramble: "WellwehadasingalonginthelevatorearlierandwewerejustgoingtohaveanotherandhitallthebuttonsbutNancyandourfingersweregoingtogetbrokenandAnnapretendedtotextbutitdidntworkandshedidntleavesowegotoffonyourfloorbecauseshesscaryandImsorryImreallyreallysorry"

If any of you actually figure out what that whole thing says I'll be thoroughly impressed.

Well thanks to Chelsea's rambling, the guy let us off the hook, but "only because it's Nancy." He knew. She even struck fear into thirty-something year-old men. After calling our youth pastor to explain what happened so he heard it first from us (which he laughed hysterically at... thanks for always being cool Dave) we knew we were in the clear. We may have power walked by Nancy every morning for the rest of the trip, but aside from that we were good. And to this day, although all of us have graduated and gone to college, the story lives on in Woodstock Evangelical Covenant Church youth group history. It was worth it.

Sadly, it can be pretty often we experience people like Nancy, and these people are the hardest to love. But God calls us to love them too, even when they aren't loving us the way they should be. John 13:34 reads,

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." 

It is a command that we love always, no matter who someone is or how they may treat us. It's the people who don't show others love that usually need to be loved the most. As my favorite social work professor likes to put it, "Hurt people hurt people." Looking back on it, maybe we should have treated her with more grace after the elevator event. Maybe she isn't so scary on the inside once you get to know her. There's a reason people like her are so unpleasant. Everyone has a story, and until you know what that is, choose to love. Even if they want to break all your fingers.

This song of the day absolutely turned my day around today. To be honest with you all, I've been a little down the last few days and was going to post a song that was pulling at my heart strings a little. But then I heard this EDM beauty! I hope it makes you feel as free as it made me feel. The song title provides a perfect one-word description of the outlet music is for me on a day like today: "Escape" by 3LAU, Paris & Simo feat. Bright Lights". Free your mind.