Last summer I was asked to participate in a project that entailed writing a letter to my 13-year-old self. I thought this was an incredible opportunity, as it was the perfect combination of three things I love doing: writing, self-reflecting and providing insight to those who may benefit from it.
This letter was recently included in the publication this project turned into: "The Empower Young Women Project" by Katelyn Martin. It is currently on sale on Amazon, and I highly recommend it not just for the young women in your life who may learn from the thoughtful advice within it, but for yourself, women and men alike - it's important for everyone to know where young women (and men) have come from.
I decided to write a post including my letter so I can allow others to read it and hopefully encourage them to reflect on what they would tell themselves as a young teenager. I haven't changed anything in it since writing it, as everything said was sincere and real at the time. However, I plan to write a response to myself in the near future, as we sometimes learn ten years worth of life lessons in nine months.
Until then, I hope you all enjoy this.
July 30, 2015
Dear Molly,
You just turned thirteen. You’re
officially a teenager. This is exciting – you’re practically an adult and
suddenly you know the answer to everything. Right? Wrong. You are still living
out your childhood and the learning process called growing up is just merely
beginning – pay close attention. The following pieces of advice are coming from
your 22-year-old self, who also does not know everything but knows enough to
look after you. She knows your fondest memories and your deepest regrets. Trust
her.
First, the only attitude that is
going to impress those around you is a positive one. Be nice. Respect people,
including your parents, your siblings, your friends, your teachers, your
coaches, your elders, and especially the ones you really don’t like. They’re
the ones that need respect the most. That will give you the attention you’re so
deeply craving.
Stop trying to impress the
“popular” girls. They will befriend you, but your friendships with them will
not last. Stay true to the friendships that have stayed true to you. Build
friendships with people who love you for who you are. Have sleepovers. Make
music videos with your friends (and make sure you save them forever). Be silly.
Be young. Be present. And for the love of God, put your phone down.
The shirt you’re about to buy?
Put that down too. You don’t love that shirt. Only buy clothes that make you
feel like you’re glowing.
Don’t listen to the kids who pick
on you. They only do it because they’re hurting. Hurt people hurt people.
Use deodorant.
One day you’ll have the courage
to tell the boy you have a crush on that you like him. He’ll reject you, and
you will cry. It’s okay – being rejected does not mean you are any less
special. Accept yourself. Love yourself.
Go ahead, use a tampon. They are
not as scary as they sound. I promise.
Stop worrying about what everyone
else is thinking about you. Only worry about what you are thinking about you.
The amount of likes your selfie
got does not matter. If you like the girl that’s in the picture what more do
you need?
The big pimple on your chin that
feels like a boulder creeping under your skin? Girl, rock that pimple. Own that
pimple. And stop thinking you’re fat. You’re not fat.
If you ever wake up in the
morning, look in the mirror, and don’t like what you see, you need a new
mirror.
Smile.
Don’t wear bright blue eye
shadow. I know you’re trying to look pretty, but you look much better
naturally. Also, don’t put bright blonde highlights in your dark brown hair.
Your friends will make fun of you for it for the rest of your life.
Don’t undermine your
accomplishments. You deserve to be proud of yourself, but stay humble.
Don’t be afraid about high
school. Those years will be some of the most appreciated in your life. Cherish
them.
You will regret dating the
majority of the boys you dated. Being single is okay. You do not need a
boyfriend to be worth something. Boys will take up a lot of time you could have
spent having sleepovers and making music videos with your friends.
Don’t try sneaking a picture of
the cutest boy in school. He’ll catch you doing it and it will be really
embarrassing.
When you’re fifteen, you will
meet the guy who will end up becoming the love of your life. You’ll feel it the
second you meet him, but you’ll ignore it for the most part. That was a good
choice. You were too young to see it at the time, but as you get older, you’ll
realize he’s different than the rest. You’ll just know. Hold out for the guy who
makes you just know. He’ll change your life in such a way that regardless of
whether it lasts or not, you will never be the same again because of the way he
loves you.
Your heart is going to get
shattered. It is a part of life and it is inevitable. There will be nights you
cry until you think your eyes will fall out, and there will be mornings you
wake up and doubt anything valuable is going to come next. That’s okay. There
is nothing wrong with crying or with vulnerability. It isn’t a sign of weakness.
It’s a sign that you are strong enough to be honest with yourself. Don’t be
afraid to open up to people about your feelings or ask Mom for advice when you
need it.
Work hard. Really, really, hard.
Stop procrastinating. Do everything to your fullest ability. You can’t regret
anything if you know you gave it your everything.
Stop comparing yourself to
others. Someone will always be better than you are in some way. Be okay with
your best and don’t you dare let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough.
Be thankful for your family. Stop
arguing with them. One day you will be in an apartment with no air
conditioning, paying a rent you can barely afford, and trying to make a life on
your own. There will be nothing you miss more than home. Appreciate home-cooked
meals, the fact that you don’t pay the cable bill, and your dog.
Speaking of your dog, cuddle with
him as much as you can. One day you’ll come home from school and your Dad will
tell you it’s time to say goodbye to him. Hold him. Hold him so tightly that even
years down the road, you’ll still remember the touch of his soft fur and
velvety ears between your fingers that always brought your comfort.
Drive carefully. Stop speeding.
Get involved. Don’t put your
talents to waste. Your teammates will be your second family.
Sometimes people will pressure
you to do things you don’t want to do. Say true to yourself and what you
believe in. Say no thank you, but don’t judge people who live differently than
you do.
Dream. Set another goal and get
after it.
Don’t take anything for granted.
Be selfless. Put others before yourself, but give yourself enough grace to take
care of you.
At the end of your teenage years,
both Dad and Poppa will be diagnosed with cancer. It will hit you like a brick
wall. You’ll feel alone, but you are not. Don’t get mad at God. Don’t lose
hope. Pray. They will both be cleared by the time you graduate. There is a
light at the end of every tunnel. Be strong, be brave.
Laugh. Laugh until your stomach
hurts. That includes at yourself – you can’t take yourself too seriously.
Take lots of pictures.
Eat cake while your metabolism is
going at the speed of light.
Be thankful.
Forgive.
Don’t rush growing up. I know it
all seems cool – getting your license, going to college, finding a job. But being
an adult comes with a lot of responsibilities. Enjoy the fact that you don’t
have as many right now. Take it one day at a time and don’t wish your years
away. When you’re 22, you’ll be missing the days you were 13 and didn’t have a
care in the world.
You’re 13. You are young and full
of wonder at the years to come. If there is anything I want you to do, it’s to
stop worrying. You do that a lot, but I’ll let you know on a little secret that
only I can tell you – you’re going to be okay. You have a bright future ahead
of you. Your life will never be perfect, but it sure is beautiful.
Like you – never perfect, but
surely, undoubtedly beautiful.
